did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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