no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
