sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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