I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i may or may not be watching the land before time
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
