sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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