Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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