is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
