Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
