I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
