They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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