when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
