this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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