I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
