Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
