does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
