I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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