My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
