somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry about my life...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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