I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize