drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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