dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
