what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
