You really coming over, don't trick.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
