I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
