She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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