so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
