is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
