there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
