I think my fart just growled at me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
