Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
