wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
