he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
