he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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