You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
