i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im six kinds of drunk right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
