Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
