I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
