It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
