I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
