i think i have herpe
just one?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
