yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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