she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am naked and annoyed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
