does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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