im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
