this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ttyl tear gas
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
