carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
