Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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