great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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