I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
