wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
