CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
