I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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