I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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