If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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