I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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