Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
