I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
