just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
