If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
